How to Get Heart Disease Checklist

Sure I could just list how to prevent heart disease, but where’s the fun in that. Its been done before. No I need some Brittany, some sarcasm to take more jabs at conventional wisdom and simplify the folly of our thoughts extending decades into the past before I was even a thought. If you check one of the boxes, congratulations you could be on your way to some kind of chronic inflammation and increasing your risk of heart disease (this is one test I would want to score low on, think of it as a golf match).

DO eat vegetable oils high in polyunsaturated fat

DO NOT eat saturated fat (like coconut oil and butter)

DO eat lots and lots of sugar and if you really want to do a good job of messing up your system make sure its got lots of fructose or high fructose corn syrup (your arteries really love you now)

  DO NOT eat nutrient dense foods like eggs and liver

  DO NOT eat fermented foods and disregard the health of your gut flora (if you really want to deplete your good bacteria then stress a little more and take antibiotics)

  DO NOT take high vitamin cod liver oil because then you’d be getting a tremendous resource of fat-soluble vitamins A and D

  BE sedentary. Sit on the couch and don’t ever go for a walk, lift something heavy or run occasionally. That’s for people who want to be healthy. Stay inside too because that sun may provide you with vitamin D too or boost your mood.

  DO practice chronic cardio. Run, run all the time and inflame your body so it’s in a constant state of fight or flight. Cortisol pumping all the time

  DO NOT get adequate sleep. Do sleep when you’re dead, who wants to restore their hormones and control their craving center? Growth hormone, serotonin, cortisol? The furthest things from your thought!

  DO NOT maintain a healthy weight. Who cares about balance? Either feed the obesity statistics or live the deathly skinny fat life.

  DO smoke, we’ve known this for years! While you’re at it make sure to expose yourself to toxins.

  DO stress. Let’s really get that cortisol up there. Stress over what others think of you (even if they’re probably not even thinking about you, feed your ego), stress about your job, stress about vacation, run to deal with the stress so you can place more stress on your body, stress about what to wear or your hair, stress about what to eat, stress about things out of your control. Whatever you do, do not meditate, try acupuncture or go on personal retreats.

   DO NOT have fun. Don’t listen to Pooh Life is Not Fun.

How’d you do? I personally scored a zero so it doesn’t look I have much of a chance of joining the heart disease club. If, however, you scored somewhere between 8-10 or if you follow the Food Pyramid, you have a pretty good chance of joining the statistics. Plus this is one of the most popular cliques: number one killer in the country. You join millions of others! All joking aside, I think you can see how our lifestyles have promoted the lack of health in this country (and to be fair we were only doing what we were told, but since that hasn’t been working for the past 40 years, I think maybe its time to arrest the real culprit of all of our problems). Start making changes today and erase your check marks!

This entry was posted in Diet, Longevity, Physiology, Stress, Weight Loss and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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